


Day by Day

by Sumi



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24580534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sumi/pseuds/Sumi
Summary: “Ash I know this was more than an impromptu visit,” Jane said with a hint of amusement in her tone. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on or not?”Ashley sighed, but ended up smiling at Jane’s words. “Perceptive as always, Commander-- Jane.”“Ash, quit stalling,” Jane muttered once the silence began to drag on again. Something was going on with Ashley and if she was going to be forced to literally drag it out of her then so be it.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Kudos: 15
Collections: Fandom 5K 2020





	Day by Day

Jane swore she was done with everything and anything to do with the Alliance the second she was able to leave the hospital. Almost a year later and her position remained the same. She spent the better part of a decade and a half dedicating her life to them. 

Truth was, Jane was tired. Tired of playing hero and leading. Jane considered the crew of the Normandy to be her family, but being their Commander brought an extra layer of stress and worry she could no longer manage to put energy towards.

After waking up to discover the Reapers were destroyed, Jane tried to forge some type of future for herself. It was easier to do once the Normandy finally was able to return to Earth. Being surrounded by her crew gave Jane hope. Well them and Garus. It was one thing to see Ash and Joker again, but an entirely different one to see Garrus Vakarian.

The two of them had their share of demons from the past few years, but over the past year began to slowly heal and carve out a life for themselves. Jane didn’t turn her back completely on the universe. She helped in the rebuilding as best she could. Being nearly crushed to death by the Citadel had left her with permanent injuries. Even if Jane wanted too, there wasn’t much she could physically do anyway.

Then Ash showed up at their apartment door one afternoon, shaking up her usual routine. Jane figured it had to be something important if Ash hadn’t even bothered to message her first. Her former crew member didn’t give anything away, but Jane knew Williams. There was something up with her.

“Hey Ash,” Jane greeted, moving out of the way so Ashley could come inside.

She limped behind her, mindly regretting the fact that she hadn’t grabbed her cane before answering the door. Depending on the day, it was sometimes difficult to walk without it. Other times, Jane could go without the cane no problem.

Ashley flashed Jane a smile, eyes not even stopping to glance at her limp or newfound scars. “It’s good to see you, Skipper. Is Garrus around?”

“He went out to get me some very strong coffee, but should be back soon,” Jane said, a small smirk making its way onto her face. “Here I thought you were coming to see me. You’re hurting my feelings, Ash.”

“Commander, you know I would never do that to you.” 

The tone in Ashley’s voice showed she was amused. It made Jane feel some joy that they still had that camaraderie despite everything they had been through. There was just one thing Jane had to get Ashley out of the habit of.

“You know, Ash I’m not your Commander anymore. You can call me, Jane.”

Ashley winced. “I know, Commander-- Jane. To be honest, it’s going to take me some getting used too.”

“Trust me, your not the only one.”

She was Commander Shepard for years. It was as if it became her entire identity and everything else ceased to exist. Jane thought now was a good time as any to attempt to move past it.

The two talked about nothing in particular for a few minutes, but Jane sensed Ashley had something she wanted to say or ask. After waiting and failing to get any answer from Ashley, she decided to take the lead and ask herself.

“Ash I know this was more than an impromptu visit,” Jane said with a hint of amusement in her tone. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on or not?”

Ashley sighed, but ended up smiling at Jane’s words. “Perceptive as always, Commander-- Jane.”

“Ash, quit stalling,” Jane muttered once the silence began to drag on again. Something was going on with Ashley and if she was going to be forced to literally drag it out of her then so be it.

She cleared her throat and began to finally talk much to the relief of Jane.

“The year anniversary is coming up so the Alliance wants to hold a ceremony,” Ashley explained. It was obvious to Jane that she had more to say, but she cut Ashley off before she could. She already knew what Ash was going to say

“And let me guess they want me to speak at it?” Jane asked, a sigh escaping her when Ashley gave a slight nod of her head. “Give me one reason why I should give them another second of my damn time.”

The look on Ashley’s face made Jane feel guilty about the sudden outburst. However, a year of struggling to recover from her many injuries had made quick work of her past diplomacy skills. If anyone would be proud of the shift in tone, it would be Wrex who, like most Krogans, approached situations in a gruff manner.

Ashley frowned, looking at Jane with a sympathetic gaze. “I’m not asking you to do it for the brass. Do it for a chance to see old friends and show what’s left of the Council that your still standing.”

The pitch was pretty good. Jane had to give Ashley credit for that alone. While it was tempting to show up and tell the council to kiss her ass, it was more appealing to see old crewmembers like Liara, Tali, and Wrex-- to name a few. Pity she’d never have a chance to talk to EDI again. The AI was something unique and definitely not someone she would forget.

This was the biggest regret Jane had and to this day hadn’t spoken about what happened in the Citadel in great detail. Even Garrus only knew bits and pieces. Jane simply wasn’t ready to open up about it. Probably never would if she had any choice about it.

“Shepard, a yes or no will suffice. Just… enough with the glowering. You’re making me want to drop and give you fifty,” Ashley muttered.

Jane laughed. “Ash for that alone I’ll agree to go.”

The weight seemed to lift off Ashley’s shoulders. “Thanks Shepard. I’ll make sure you won’t regret this and will be happy to punch out any reporters should they get in your face. I did learn from the best, after all.”

Normally Jane’s temper didn’t get the best of her, but Khalisah al-Jilani had pushed her buttons at the wrong time and place. One would think the woman would learn after being punched in the face twice.

By the time Garrus returned, Ashley was gone. Her omnitool had beeped and she rushed out of the apartment with a quick goodbye. Jane figured it was something to do with the alliance. Either way, it was none of Jane’s business because that life was beyond her now.

“Ash came by today,” Jane said the moment Garrus walked through the door. “She invited me to speak at some Alliance ceremony.”

Garrus blinked, mandiables twitching slightly before he chuckled. “I don’t even get a ‘welcome back’ first?”

She snorted, slowly rising to her feet. Once Jane had closed the distance between them, she pressed her lips against Garrus’s mouth. “Is that better, Vakarian?”

“Much better, Shepard,” he said, letting out another chuckle. He set the items on the counter and then glanced at Jane. “What did you tell Ash?”

“I said I’d go if only to see our old friends and tell the Alliance to kiss my ass,” Jane said with a smirk. “Also, I was hoping you’d go with me.”

There was almost no reason to ask. He definitely would never do that to her and would even insist on going along. Still, it felt better to do the polite thing for the first time in awhile.

Garrus gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Of course I’ll go with you, but you do realize we have to dress up.”

The thought made Jane’s lip curl in disgust. She didn’t like the idea of wearing something cy or her formal alliance uniform. All Jane wore were sweats, tanks, and more sweats. Anything that could be considered even a tad formal wasn’t a part of her wardrobe. Same went for Garrus when it came to any of his military fatigues-- at least for the time being.

“You know, I still have that damned dress Kasumi made me wear,” Jane mentioned out of the blue, nose wrinkling at the thought of it. God knows why she wore it the time she accompanied Joker to that restaurant during their infamous shore leave that one time.

It somehow managed to survive over a year shoved away in one of the drawers in her quarters on the Normandy. Jane wished she vaporized the thing or had gone old school and set it on fire. She would’ve been doing herself and the whole world a favor.

The mention of that dress seemed to stir something in Garrus. Once he noticed the look she was giving him, he cleared his throat and looked away.

“I know you detest that dress, but I did enjoy the way you looked it in.”

Jane scoffed. “Yeah, well keep those memories close, big guy because I’m never putting that thing on again.”

He seemed to take her advice for a few seconds because Garrus’s eyes glazed over. When he finally snapped out of it, Garrus had a sheepish expression in his eyes. Jane had to laugh. In order to quell Garrus’s wears, Jane kissed him again, but pressed her lips against the now slightly scarred right mandible.

Garrus pressed his forehead against hers. “We have plenty of time to figure it out.”

“The ceremony is next week so not that much time, but we’re Shepard and Vakarian. If anyone can figure it out, we can.”

~*~

The hardest thing Jane had to do was leave Garrus injured and heartbroken on the Normandy that day in London. She told herself not to look back because if she looked back then there was a good chance she’d renege on the order. Jane wouldn’t be much of a Commander if she did that. However, anything was possible with Garrus Vakarian involved.

When stepped inside the beam of light, Jane didn’t expect to make it out alive. Waking up in a hospital bed had been a surprise. The bigger surprise was finding an exhausted, extremely malnourished Garrus slumped over in the chair next to the bed fast asleep.

Her hand was inches from brushing against his when the nurse broke the moment. They had stepped in probably to check on Jane and immediately saw she was awake. In the commotion Garrus woke up. She briefly saw the look in his eyes before the medical personnel started in on their shit.

Jane thought about the events a lot leading up to the ceremony. She tried not to, but it was difficult. Garrus sometimes asked her about the nightmares, but never pushed it. It was a relief that he didn’t because some of them would be hard for Jane to explain.

The day before the ceremony, Jane felt a flurry of butterflies in her stomach. Damned nerves were making themselves well known. A big reason for this was the speech they asked Jane to give. She agreed to say something. However, what and how she said was entirely up to her. Ashley had made that clear to the brass.

“Can’t sleep, Shepard?” Garrus asked sometime during the middle of the night.

He was propped up on his side of the bed, reading something on his datapad. Jane learned early on in their relationship --and friendship- that Turians didn’t require as much sleep as humans. Back during Jane’s training her sleeping pattern was similar. Well then and after Cerberus practically brought her back from the dead. That experience led to some pretty sleepless nights too.

Jane shot him a half grin. “Just planning my speech. So far I’m thinking I’ll just tell the Alliance and the council to fuck off. What do you think, big guy?”

“It’ll bring you a standing ovation,” Garrus commented, amusement clear in his vocals. Then the tone changed. “If you need to talk about anything Shepard you know where to find me-- just to your right.”

“It’s not something to worry about, Garrus. Only my nerves getting the best of me.” Jane hated to admit that out loud.

Imagine the great Commander Shepard was lying here, struggling to gain her courage to give a simple speech. It was beyond conflicting. Jane had a feeling Garrus knew what was going on with her. For her sake, he was probably deciding not to say anything.

Garrus reached over with his free hand to give hers a squeeze. "What if I join you during the speech? I'm sure the Alliance will get a kick out of that."

"Hey you're the Reapers expert. They should be honored," Jane said. Her tone was teasing, but she meant every word.

The week passed by faster than Jane would've liked it too. She spent some time attempting to write a speech, but every time she tried her mind went blank. Jane eventually gave in and decided she'd speak off the cuff.

According to Joker, the best speeches were given with little to no preparation beforehand. If Anderson knew Jane was taking advice from Joker, he'd give her one of those disapproving sighs. Shit, what Jane wouldn't give to have him around again.

Anderson had been the closest thing Jane ever had to a father. She spent the majority of her life on Earth bouncing from foster home to foster home or living in the streets. He had really been the first person to give a shit about her.

In the office report to the Alliance brass, Jane made sure to mention how hard Anderson fought and what he gave up to ensure the Galaxy's survival. Hell, look at what Jane had to risk. She nearly died for the umpteenth time, but somehow survived. Even a building falling on top of her couldn't kill Commander Jane Shepard.

During the beginning of her recovery, Jane quietly wished to herself that she hadn’t survived. The more her health improved, the more her attitude did. However, there were still days where Jane felt overwhelmed by how exhausting it was to keep on fighting to survive.

The cane would be at her side as she walked around the room, gazing into the eyes of old friends and former coworkers. Jane felt no shame in that fact. It was a necessity if Jane wanted to make it through the day without being in immense pain.

“Ready Shepard?” Garrus asked, breaking Jane from her thoughts.

Jane glanced over her shoulder and smirked. “You clean up nice, Vakarian. I can’t wait until we get back home and take it off you.”

He chuckled. “If I knew these clothes would drive you wild, I would’ve worn them long before this.”

The outfit Jane was wearing was nothing special. It was a simple button down shirt with a pair of black slacks. Comfortable and not anything that would make Jane wish to set the outfit on fire by the end of the day… like Kasumi’s dress. She considered the thief a good friend, but her choice in fashion left much to be desired.

Jane gave Garrus a grin before realizing they had to get out to the shuttle. It was a shorter ride than Jane expected. She would’ve preferred it to be longer because then she’d have a chance to settle the rest of her nerves. Those damned nerves kept getting in the way with her attempt to enjoy this possibly decent night.

They arrived with little fanfare and had a quiet entrance which Jane preferred. She walked in beside Garrus, their arms linked together. It was only when Jane heard her name being called in a very abrupt and gregarious manner did she move away from Garrus for both of their safety.

“SHEPARD!” roared Grunt who was on the opposite side of the room. He charged towards Jane, stopping once he was nearly toe to toe with her.

Jane smirked. “Hey Grunt. It’s good to see you again.”

It had been awhile since Jane last saw her Krogan adopted child. They kept in contact through messages, but it felt good to see him in person.

“Been too long, Shepard,” Grunt complained, raising his hand for a first bump, to which Jane happily and eagerily responded too. “Had to come all the way to this shitty plant just to see you!”

“Once I get the clear to fly I’ll come visit, Grunt,” Jane promised.

Grunt nodded firmly. “Gonna hold you to that, Shepard! You can even bring the Turian.”

Beside Jane, Garrus sighed. “I’m not sure whether to be insulted or thank you, Grunt.”

After Grunt was distracted by something over at the far side of the room, Jane spotted Ashley talking to some Alliance brass. She gave her a wave and started to make her way over to her former crew member. Ashley met her halfway, much to Jane’s slight annoyance, but she pushed that to the side.

“Glad you could make it, Commander. You too Garrus.” Ashley greeted, wincing when she probably realized she had called Jane by her former title rather than her name. “I mean, Shepard.”

Jane gave her a pat on the shoulder. “Good enough, Ash. Just try to work on it so you can get it right next time. There’s no need to be so formal with me anymore. Even here with this stiff crowd.”

There was a splattering of her former crewmates mingling around the room. Ashley made sure to point them out to her. Seeing them again made Jane feel a multitude of different emotions; most of them being good.

Liara was the next person Jane spoke to followed by Joker. Wrex couldn’t make it, but he sent a rather interesting video message she was glad she decided to watch in private. It wasn’t appropriate for this type of party-- though it sure would’ve livened it up.

Much to Jane’s surprise and delight Tali was also there. They embraced, talking about everything and nothing. The last Jane heard the Quarians might not be able to make it, but Tali and a few others managed to get there in time.

It was nice to see the old crew again. There were things Jane didn’t miss about her time in the Alliance, but the one thing she did miss was being on the Normandy, surrounded by a group of people no one thought would work. Yet, despite their differences they did. 

Survival could make even the most different people set aside their differences and work towards a common goal. Jane felt her thoughts drift towards Garrus. It had also brought them together.

About an hour into the evening, Jane’s right leg began to ache. Garrus took quick notice of the way she suddenly stiffened and a grimace of pain appeared on her face. He shifted closer to her, casually sliding an arm around her waist.

She relied both on the cane and Garrus to walk over towards one of the rather uncomfortable looking chairs. The damned leg always acted up every now and then. During the beginning of her recovery, Jane discovered the medical staff contemplated amptuating it. If not for her cybernetics kicking in, she might have lost it.

“Doing okay there, Shepard?” Garrus asked, taking the seat beside her.

Jane flashed him a pained smile. “I’ll be fine once I rest for a few minutes. You don’t have to sit with me, though Garrus. Go out there and mingle.”

“No Shepard without Vakarian, remember?”

She reached up to touch the side of his face. “Don’t worry big guy. I’m not going to run off-- can’t run very far anymore, remember? Same goes for me dancing.”

Garrus let out a soft sigh. “Not funny, Shepard. Your dancing is a galactic tragedy.”

The truth was Jane always had terrible dancing skills. Never managed to really hone them during her teens or early twenties. She was too preoccupied with moving on up in the Alliance and trying to serve her planet.

“Yeah, well what I lack in dancing skills I make up with sharp wit and semi decent looks,” Jane said with a playful grin.  
There was nothing behind Jane’s words. She was not above cracking jokes at her own expense. Garrus responded with an amused laugh, his hand grabbing hers and giving it a light squeeze.

After sitting for a full ten minutes, Jane felt like she was ready to stand. She did so with only the assistance from her cane. However, Jane felt Garrus hovering close by just in case her knee gave out. It had done that a couple times over the past year and sometimes with little warning.

Jane could only hope today would not be one of those days because it would be sure to draw a lot of attention from the crowd. The great Commander Shepard taken down by a bum leg. If that happened, Joker would be sure to come to her defense and make a joke of some kind. Like Shepard, he was also good with self deprecating jokes.

The time ticked by slowly for Jane; too slowly if you ask her. She wanted to get it over with and give this stupid speech. Sooner Jane got it done then the quicker she could get to more important things; like getting drunk and tasting the shitty food.

Jane was pretty sure the food was bad. The Alliance rarely went out for their parties or celebrations. Cheap bastards. At least try to get some decent food if you were going to have people dying on your behalf.

She wished she knew when she became so jaded. The one time Jane posed the question to Garrus, he said it was probably when the Alliance refused to listen to her warnings. Jane had to agree with him. If she had to pinpoint a moment then that had to be it.

“I think they are waiting for you, Shepard,” Garrus murmured to her once a few minutes had passed. “They keep looking at us and I doubt it’s because of my exceedingly good looks. Though who could blame them.”

Jane laughed, pressing her lips against the slightly scarred mandible. The scars had faded to the point where they weren’t very visible. It was a reminder of how she almost lost Garrus after just getting him back again. Hell, the same could be said for Jane’s own scars.

About fifteen minutes later, Jane was ready to give the speech. She limped up the steps and to the microphone. Everyone was looking upon her and waiting to see what inspiring words Jane could possibly say at this important event in the Milky Way’s recovery.

“The Reapers are gone in no part thanks to all of our efforts, but this celebration is a waste of time when we still have all this rebuilding to do,” Jane said without even a moment’s hesitation. “So enjoy the night everyone because tomorrow there is more work to be done.”

The first round of applause was from Grunt. Well it wasn’t so much applause rather than a loud and thunderous roar and stomping of feet. Garrus and Ashley followed suit with the rest of her former crew members joining.

It was probably as far as you could get from an inspirational speech. Jane just wasn’t going to mince words anymore-- not that she ever did in the past. The Council, Anderson, and probably half the Milky Way galaxy could vouch for this part of Jane Shepard’s personality. She told it like it was, feelings be damned.

“I think I may be banned from any future events,” Jane whispered to Garrus once she had taken her seat back beside him.

He gave her an encouraging look. “I thought it was a good speech, Shepard. Probably would’ve said the same thing myself.”

“Probably?” Jane teased. “Garrus, both of us know you’d say the same thing. Maybe not in so many words, but it would be pretty similar.”

Jane wanted to say she knew Garrus like she knew the back of her hand, but he might not get the human idiom. The same could also be said for him, however. Garrus and Jane were sometimes so enmeshed with one another that it scared her. She never thought she’d find that with anyone-- Turian, human, or any species.

Around an hour later, Jane was finally able to sneak out the back with Garrus. Moments before they were going to leave, Ashley showed up and pulled her aside.

“I want to thank you for coming tonight, Commander-- and I’m going to keep calling you that until you go home tonight because you deserve it,” Ashley said firmly, looking Jane directly in the eye. 

It was like Ash was just daring Jane to challenge her on that. Jane couldn’t bring herself to correct Ashley this time for that expression alone.

Jane reached out and firmly squeezed Ashley’s shoulder. “Understood, Williams.”

“See you later, Shepard.”

It was good to see her friends that evening, but Jane felt a sense of relief when she walked through the threshold leading to the apartment she and Garrus shared. The term ‘thank god for small miracles’ suddenly popped up in her head once Garrus flicked the lights on and she could probably see the place. 

While Jane would always consider the Normandy her true home, this place came pretty damn close. Mostly because of Garrus. It always seemed to come back to him much to her amusement.

Jane quickly removed the uncomfortable clothes, stripping down to her underwear and tank top. When Garrus chuckled, she glanced over her shoulder and gave him a look. “You can’t tell me those clothes you’re wearing are any more comfortable Garrus-- then again, your the guy who wore his armor on how many of our dates?”

“What is it you humans say, Shepard? I plead the fourth.”

She grinned. “Plead the fifth, but I get what you’re trying to say, big guy. No need to talk about it.”

The intent was to walk into the bedroom, but Jane wasn’t able to make it that far because of her leg. It was aching to the point where she had to quickly sit down on the couch. Jane hissed, gently massaging the lower leg. While it helped some, it didn’t completely quell the pain.

Garrus was quick to act. He brought her one of the pain pills, wordlessly handing Jane one along with a glass of water. She nodded towards him, quickly taking it and downing it in one gulp.

“Feeling any better Jane?” Garrus asked, posing the question a good five minutes later given that was how long it took for the medication to kick in.

She sighed. “Yeah, the stuff finally kicked in, but if I think this is bad then tomorrow I’m going to be in for a world of hurt. Always hurts the worst the day afterwards for some reason.”

Garrus gave her a sympathetic look. “Nothing wrong with taking it easy.”

Jane hated to admit it, but Garrus was right. It wasn’t like she had anything to do the next day. Physical therapy wouldn’t be until later in the week and the same went for any other appointments with doctors who always looked at her with this sad, sympathetic look. Frustrated the hell out of Jane to be looked at in that way.

After the pain subsided completely, Jane hobbled to their bedroom. She threw herself on her side of the bed, groaning in relief as she did so. This bed was a far cry from the ones Jane used to sleep in during her academy days and time on the street. One never took the feel of a comfortable bed for granted until they had been without one for a good portion of their life.

Jane didn’t have to wait long for Garrus to join her. He came into the room a few minutes later, devoid of his formal outfit he wore to that outing earlier that evening. It was a familiar and comfortable sight. The desire was there, but Jane’s exhaustion seemed to be winning out. This often happened if she pushed herself too much.

“I think my speech went over well, don’t you?” Jane asked all of a sudden. She couldn’t help but think back to all the shocked faces. It was enough to draw a few chuckles from her.

Garrus looked at her in half confusion and concern. “Should I be worried that your laughing at seemingly nothing?”

“Just thinking about all the looks of absolute horror on the Alliance brass when I have that speech,” Jane elboated. “Also Garrus you never answered my question.”

He chuckled. “One of the best speeches I’ve ever heard, Shepard. Mind if I borrow it if they ever ask me to give one?”

“Go ahead, Vakarian, but only one one condition; I have to be there to witness the looks on everyone’s faces.”

Garrus slid into bed next to Jane, still laughing. “I accept your condition.”

It didn’t take long for Jane to get comfortable in bed with Garrus. The pain subsided, but even if she was still in pain, it was always easier to sleep when he was nearby. Back on the second Normandy, Jane always found herself more likely to fall asleep if Garrus were in the room. 

Well, almost. Staring up at the skylight that showed the neverending darkness of space always proved to test her anxiety. After being spaced, the last thing Jane wanted to see when she fell asleep was space. Cerberus truly did have some sick sense of humor to design her quarters in that particular way.

All of this was in the past, however. Jane wanted to just focus on her personal recovery before evening attempting to help the still struggling Milky Way galaxy. For once in Jane Shepard’s life she wanted to be selfish and put herself first.

Garrus would be quick to agree with that sentiment.


End file.
